I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
