Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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