see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
