Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
