A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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