My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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