i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
