So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was confusing and full of hummus
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
