I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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