I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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