just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
