Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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