at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
