Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When are your genitals available?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
