Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
