I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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