You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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