I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
