ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
