They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
