i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
