i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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