made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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