We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
