What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
