we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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