Screwed.edu
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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