yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
