dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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