I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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