I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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