shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize