I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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