so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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