yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
