I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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