I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
