You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
