Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Shame is for Republicans.
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