I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pants are for mortals
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
