I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
