I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
