Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
