help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
