6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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