he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
