vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
