"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
