worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
