i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
