and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
